Thursday, September 14, 2006

GodHatesShrimp.Com

The two most reliable wedge issues of the Republican Party are abortion and gay rights. Abortion is a highly charged moral question on which reasonable people may disagree. Opposition to equal civil rights for gays, on the other hand, plays into sheer prejudice. One cannot craft, on non-religious grounds, any case at all for this proscription; and among Christians the case against gay civil rights depends chiefly on six so-called "clobber verses," most of which are found in the codes of Leviticus and Deuteronomy which are, on most other matters, viewed as part of an Old Covenant superceded by the sacrifice and resurrection of Jesus Christ and the creation of the New Covenant. I'm a specialist in nineteenth century U.S. history and believe me, Southern theologians could and did make a better scriptural case for chattel slavery.

Which brings us to the question of moral consistency. My personal view is that gossip is the most destructive Biblical sin overlooked by Christians, some of whom positively thrive upon it. Others think the wanton consumption of shellfish is most urgently in need of rebuke.

"Shrimp, crab, lobster, clams, mussels, all these are an abomination before the Lord, just as gays are an abomination. Why stop at protesting gay marriage? Bring all of God's law unto the heathens and the sodomites. We call upon all Christians to join the crusade against Long John Silver's and Red Lobster. Yea, even Popeye's shall be cleansed. The name of Bubba shall be anathema. We must stop the unbelievers from destroying the sanctity of our restaurants."


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